I had a 'young boyfriend dream' last night. It's been with me all day in the same way that being kissed does when if you're 13. Maybe now too. I can't remember. The boyfriend was so nice. It was shocking because he was much too good looking to be so damned nice. He told me it was because he was from the South. I've never been to The South and he didn't look like Southern boy but more like a young Lou Reed.
I woke up and told my husband (F). A few minutes later, F asked me: "what kind of flowers do you like." He was jealous of my young boyfriend.
I wanted to talk to a good-looking guy and get seduced by him. I flirted on CL with a few, but the quantity and the masculine form of purely sexual desire makes me feel dirty quickly. The only conversation that went beyond "wussup" was with someone who's in an open relationship with his wife. Something about that is a million times worse than old-fashioned sneaking around. Maybe because I don't believe it can be as rosy as 'we have no secrets from each other'. I know I have to keep secrets from everyone. Who the hell do you have to be to have none?
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